Chapter 21: Walking to Feridan

Kashira could tell that Lukka had been awake for a lot longer than Goren was when she'd done this to him. She was also voluntarily quieter about her situation. Goren was pretty emotional, to the point he would freeze up, and the gnoll had barely kicked and fought after she realized she was doomed, suggesting her head ruled her more than her heart. 

She also noticed she felt differently about it with Lukka than with Goren. Lukka was cute. Very cute, in fact... I think it is admirable that she just surrendered after I caught her because to continue to fight back was going to put Ereza and Tomyra at risk. She pondered it more; it was hard for Kashira to pinpoint her feelings. Maybe also, I am equally offended she dared to attack me with a mini-brew that actually worked. She hit me with over a dozen doses in that big bottle. Still, I admire her. It was a gutsy thing to do.

She felt Goren shifting and resettling himself here and there on her shoulders as she walked. Even though she tried to walk gently, the movements were still enough to slide him around. If we are going to keep traveling a lot, I need to get him a proper saddle.

She felt Lukka running her fingers over the space that contained her, quietly, slowly, as if she was uncertain it was allowed. Perhaps that, or she did not want to get caught doing it. Things were hushed. The sky was clear, and many stars shone down on them and still reflected off the white snow even though the moon had gone down a while ago. She walked at a steady pace---it wouldn't be as fast as flying to Feridan, but she still walked a lot faster than any of the four passengers she had would have. 

"What happens next, Kashira?" Goren asked after a long while, his voice very soft; she guessed it was because his sisters were sleeping.

"I think we get to Feridan and get Lukka the supplies she needs to brew counter potions to the one she used on your sisters. We buy clothes. And then... I am not sure. I think that Lukka's people will look for her because she is a strong mage."

"Yeah? Why do you say that?"

Kashira smiled; she had felt Lukka get all tense at hearing her name. "Well, dragon scales are resistant to magic, but she overcame that with her potion. She wasn't tired when we caught her, and she had just made that potion, it seems. Therefore, it is plain that she must be strong."

Kashira was gratified to hear, "No, not really!" from the gnoll. But, for now, she ignored it. 

"It was pretty scary when you disappeared for a moment. I'm glad I didn't land on you when I fell in the snow." 

Kashira hummed in agreement. "You were pretty brave, throwing yourself over me. I was absolutely panicked for a moment that something would happen to you." Kashira was also pleased to hear Goren huff and feel him fidget about it. 

"Well, I just didn't want something to happen to you. I didn't really think about it." 

Kashira made a contented thrum. "In any case, I am sure we will run into some gnolls once they figure out that she is gone and where she went. The snow will, unfortunately, make it easy for them, especially because I leave big tracks. I will actually be very surprised if we don't get at least one demand about it." They walked on in silence for a time. "Right now, I cannot decide if we should settle somewhere in Feridan or try something else. I would take you to my castle ruins, except we already know it is not really suitable for most things to live in. Maybe I should try to set us up near Arieton.... However, I think that many places, including Feridan, won't be friendly with a dragon just moving in, and we need proper shelter. Or, I guess we could go even further out than that. The possibilities are really open... except that there is a lot of urgency to find stable shelter from the cold as soon as possible."

Goren was pulling his fingers through her mane again, disentangling it. She smiled; she rather liked the sensation. "Feridan is where I was walking back from, well, when the gnolls attacked. It's where I was studying art, um, before the master... caught a cold and... didn't make it." 

Kashira was silent; his sentences were halting and uncertain, and she could hear emotional edges in his tone. She gave him space to speak.

"It was... I thought nothing sadder could happen to me the night he died. All that effort coming to Feridan, working and working for him so I could become a painter, and the whole walk back... I kept trying to brace myself for how... how my mother would talk to me after abandoning everyone to chase such a stupid dream. But... you know... I was preparing to have an argument with a dead..." He stopped as his voice cracked.

Kashira took a deep breath in and let a slow breath out into the silence. "I am sorry that happened to you." There was another long silence as Kashira struggled internally for a moment to come up with what she wanted to say about it. "I am glad that I got to meet you, though, because of it. It would have been nicer to meet some other way, but, since this is the way that it happened, I am glad to know you."

Goren sniffled, and his combing through her mane got mildly aggressive as he pulled the knots out. "Yes. It's only been a little while, but I can't imagine my life without you."

Kashira beamed. "Well, you belong to me now, so you are quite stuck with me in your life." She was upbeat so she could try to cheer him up. He was tense, trying to hold his emotions in, so she moved the conversation forward to look toward the future. She hoped it would help. "So, I think, probably we cannot settle in Feridan. But we can still buy some things and head somewhere else, yeah? Anywhere you have ever really wanted to go?"

Goren really appreciated her. She was this big-scaled monster beneath him, bigger than most houses, walking him to the next town like it was nothing. The warmth she emanated with the thick clothes that she had bought him made it so that it wasn't even that cold to travel in the middle of the night. Then, like she was offering him some tea or a snack, she invited him to go anywhere he wanted with her. 

It was a lot to get used to. But I need to get used to it, he thought as he reached up to touch the collar. She really was going to keep him, he felt. But as he thought about Lukka... I wonder if I am special or if she is just like this when she gets the chance to be. He cleared his throat. "Won't you miss your castle, though?"

She hummed and then gave a small laugh. "It'll be there. It's been there probably a thousand years. And it'd take extensive effort to bring it back to livable for little cuties that don't handle the cold and wet all that well. It was just empty, so I moved in. Besides, towns and shops mean easier access to food, clothes, and supplies—which I think is a better idea for at least the rest of the winter. Also, if I want to see my little bunbun grow up to be an artist one day, it should be where people are, don't you think?"

He felt sassed. "Yeah, yeah, I guess. But... I dunno. It feels like cheating if you just give me everything, and also, you should get things for yourself? If you like your castle, you shouldn't have to just give it up. I'm sure I could make it work. My parents were sharecroppers almost all my life. I can grow stuff."

Kashira chuckled again. "Goren, I am getting things for myself just doing things with you. I was quite serious that I am glad that you came to me. I was getting maybe to a point that I felt stuck, so let me help you paint." 

Goren tilted his head. I guess in Arieton she did say that it was difficult to interact with people, and Zunira was definitely looking to see if there could be an advantageous "friendship." Then he also thought about all the collars, and he felt uneasy all over again. He focused back on Kashira. "Because you didn't know how to make a place for yourself?" he asked. She made an assenting hum. Goren combed his fingers through her hair some more. "So, in a sense..." 

He wasn't sure how to say what he wanted to say cleanly. "In a sense, I feel like you want to live through me. Uh, like, establish a place where you are not in the front. So, like, if we get a place in some town, and I'm trying to paint or something, you want people to see me and talk to me first—and you hang back and enable me or something? I feel like that is how it went with the gnolls? Because of how people act toward dragons?"

Kashira made a humming sound as she thought that over. He was tense. It felt like an almost rude thing to say, that she didn't know how to live for herself. "Yes. I think it would be nice. It made things go much more smoothly with the gnolls, and that was a really intense interaction; I do not anticipate that kind of dangerous situation being a normal situation for us." He was relieved as she seemed to agree with him. She continued, "I also think that it could be nice to see what you create and what new people we meet. We could set up a potion shop for our little puppy we captured."

Even Goren heard Lukka make a noise about that, though he did not quite catch what she said; it made Kashira laugh smugly. His heart pounded. "Are you going to put a collar on Lukka? Or... my sisters?"

Kashira hummed. "I think so. At least Lukka. Otherwise, I think there will be endless debates with her kin about her, and really, if she was so desperate as to walk into the snow with no plans, she deserves to be captured." That got more noises, and even though Goren strained to hear them, he still couldn't quite make out the words. His heart felt tight. It wasn't really a sinking feeling, so he knew he wasn't disappointed. I am not jealous, he reminded himself.

Kashira spoke to Lukka, "Yes, well, you will have to get used to the idea."

Goren breathed out slowly. "Well, Arieton is a way off. You seemed familiar with the town."

Kashira nodded. "I was born there."

Goren stopped, and he tilted his head. "In Arieton?"

"Yes. But that was a long time ago."

Goren frowned and continued to play with her fluff. "Dragons live a long time?"

"Yes."

She said she was stuck. When she says that, I wonder if she means for months, years, or decades. She's... He breathed in slowly and out again as he found internal words for what he was seeing. She's soft toward Lukka and me because we ran from something? He felt like his heart was tight for a whole other reason now. "But you didn't stay in Arieton?"

"No. When I got away, I didn't think I would go back for any reason. But that was a long time ago. We can go there if you think you could enjoy that city. They are more confident around me because they probably believe they have people that can restrain me with a collar. So, we gain that confidence, but we have the overall impact of public collaring of people."

Goren exhaled. It made sense to him. The way she spoke of Arieton was muted, and it had him wondering why she never wanted to go back but was willing to do so for him and Lukka. "Given the advantages, what if we start there? Later, if we don't like it, we'll all follow you somewhere else!" He wasn't sure it was the right thing to say, but since she had mentioned it on her own and had already chosen to take him there, maybe it was a good choice?

 "I think that is a good start of a plan. The winter brought us together, but this summer, we are going to thrive. I want you to start thinking about what you want to do with a studio. We'll build it." 

Mindful of the pocket with his sisters, he leaned forward and hugged her neck. "We'll make it somewhere you can be comfortable, and we can pretend there is no dragon at all in the place if you want."

She laughed, and it made him feel better. "Perfect. Right, puppy?"

Lukka huffed. "Stop. I can only hear half of what you say, none of what Goren says, and I haven't been a puppy for at least a couple of years." She huffed again. The whole talk had her flustered. She lay on her back, braced, and pushed up with her legs as if she could make the dragon uncomfortable. 

Kashira chuckled, then the muscles of her belly flexed, and the slick press of the velvety belly space muffled Lukka on all sides until she was forced into a ball. "It'll be all right, Lukka." She relaxed to let Lukka have some space.

Lukka grumbled. Something about the dragon's tone was so smug it made her want to kick at her, but she knew it would just give the dragon an opportunity to laugh and squeeze her again. "Yeah, well, I don't want a collar. I don't want a wedding ring. I just... want to do what I want." 

Kashira hummed. "Well, it doesn't change that it is practical to do. No one will dare to try to take you from me. The collar allows you to have space to do what you want. Honestly, I will be surprised if they don't come for you to try to take you. Even if you do not know that you are powerful, the other gnolls know."

She felt that blush again. She closed her eyes. I'm not brave. And I've never been exceptional. It was a total accident that I managed to make all those doses work on the dragon for just a minute. Really, all I do is make medicine. Karrok barely had to pay any dowry for me. This dragon is deluded. It still felt nice, though, to hear someone seeing her that way. 

She listened to Kashira talking, presumably, to the male jayune, and she started to feel tired. I wonder how long it takes a dragon to walk that far. I guess... no matter what, I have to wait until we get there to try to get away. It shouldn't really be too hard, right? Despite what she thinks, I'm not that strong, and it's clear she came to find Goren's sisters, so as long as I do not take anything they think is actually theirs, they probably won't look for me that hard.

She fell asleep, thinking through different scenarios that she could try, the swaying walk of the dragon combined with her regular heartbeat and breathing and dark heat too much to stay awake long in.