Chapter 15: Absent Potion Maker

Lukka breathed in deep, held it in her lungs a moment, before letting it out slowly. It is like I asked a fae to grant my wishes. She glanced up at Karrok, who had far too much smarm in his grin as he looked down at her; he was waiting for her to react to the way he intended to fulfill her demands.

The fae-glow was still in his eyes; even after all these weeks, there were a lot of jagged glowing marks around his muzzle that hadn’t faded either. Maybe it is not like I asked a fae for these things; it is that I did ask a fae for them.

She resisted folding her arms because she did not wish to look weak in the slightest in front of this man who was her fiancé, but there was a cold clutching at her insides that made her nauseated. She pulled her fingers through her long hair. The green and blue in it was very faded at this point; she hadn’t made the tonic to color it since she started fighting with her mother about this exact marriage arrangement.

In a certain lens, he’s a hero, she thought. He entered the Grin and came out alive. He brought a cure for the suffering people. Her eyes roved along the edges of the building she was standing in. There were other gnolls, glowing cracks on the mouths, throats, and sometimes glowing through clothes or fur on the bellies. The problem is... fae feed on mortals. And now everyone who swallowed the fae seeds...

Her uncle moved up next to her, radiating disapproval because she hadn’t reacted yet and a few heartbeats had passed. He doesn’t have the glow, but he still agrees with Karrok’s way. She breathed out.

This space was suffocating. The large building she stood in now was once clearly used for town meetings, theater performances, and a dance hall. Now a place of community was a repurposed prison for townsfolk not already killed. Everything about this room made her skin crawl. 

When objecting to the marriage outright had not worked, she had attempted to put it off by being obstinate. She refused to depart from the permanent structures she had set up for her potion brewing. She’d saved a bunch of lives with her potions, so she felt sure she would not be made to leave them behind. This assumption had proven incorrect, for Korrok, great uniter of the Witherwuld forest and Gnarr Pass gnolls had promised her a permanent space to do her witchery when he conquered Buetarn.

She’d already been shown the workshop. A home clearly stolen from the jayune with the stuff pushed all to one side. Their lives were heaped up: coats, jackets, food, precious keepsakes broken, all piled on one side of a family room to make “space.” The original jayune who owned it were gone, consumed by the fae-warped.

Karrok put his arm around her. Every time he touched her, there was a crawling sensation in her skin. She had tried many times to imagine herself attracted to him. She needed to be attracted to him; she was stuck with him. “Come now, my darling, are you overwhelmed? Too many to choose from? There has to be one of these little quivering creatures that can be taught to boil things for you?”

The loathing that bubbled through her chest was so intense she felt she could taste it as the unwanted heat from his side pressed to her body. His arm around her shoulders was a weight that she wanted to shrug off immediately. His patronizing tone made her want to whip around and sink her teeth into his shoulder, since he was so large he was over a foot taller than her.

Karrok grinned. “I’ll conquer another town and get you someone else, if not. I live for your happiness, after all.”

This was happening because she had said she would need an assistant if she was ever to hope to set up a proper workshop and get properly busy studying and making potions. “No, that’s not necessary,” she said flatly, not wishing to give any more opportunities for violence. She pushed his arm off and stepped away from him. She didn’t meet her uncle's flat gaze. This is all stupid. First, we take this town, then what? Another until the King’s Army is finally sent to crush us?

Karrok patted her rear, and it made her lips press to her teeth. She wanted to curl them with contempt, but she didn’t dare. “Go ahead. Pick anyone you want. I have rights to divvy these up as I see fit as the leader of all the packs now.”

It was like a deal with a malevolent fae. It made her feel sick. The sniffling jayune, kobolds, and smattering of different creatures colored everything with a thick hellish despair that she could not believe the rest of the gnolls in this room were immune to. I guess the only way to get out of this is just to pick someone. She looked around. “The girl there, the white one with brown patches then.” 

She pointed at someone who probably was not even five years younger than herself. It was difficult to tell because most jayune were smaller than five feet, and Lukka herself was six feet high, so they all looked young to her in some ways. She cringed internally as she saw her hunch, and another rabbit with similar markings grabbed onto her harder, quivering and starting to sniffle.

“I want the little one too.” 

She didn’t know where that had come from. She didn’t want one, let alone two. But if I don’t, they’ll be separated.

Some part of her wished she was a bit more like the gnolls that surrounded them; they didn’t have trouble dismissing the way these people looked sad, broken, and overwhelmed. After all, a truly good gnoll does what needs doing for the band. Good gnolls owed no one anything but their kin. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop the kinship she felt with the sadness in all the eyes surrounding her. She was unable to see them as less or herself as more. She held her breath for a tense moment as the gnolls around her exchanged glances. You all think it unfair if I get two when so many of you probably have not been allowed one, unless your fae cracks were far advanced. Karrok dispelled it with a grin. “Excellent planning. Then we always have one on hand as a snack when we feel it.” 

Ice clutched at her guts. She’d never heard of the fae seed ravening referred to so openly. She wondered how many lives he had justified reaping for himself. Lukka struggled to force a smile so much that she was sure he would see right through her. She was lucky; he barely looked at her as he whistled. Two of the bigger gnolls that worked for him put collars and leashes on the two sad little jayune and dragged them to her.

Lukka accepted the leash ends, feeling detached from her own hands. She looked at her hand, and her eyes followed the two lines leaving it to the necks of bunnies she could feel trembling at the end of them.

His unwanted arm went around her shoulders. “I thought you would look happier, darling.”

Lukka looked up at him, and she struggled with what to even say.

“They are delicious. Do you want to try one? I have more fae seeds. Or... I could demonstrate for you now, since these ones didn’t make you happy.”

Something inside of her felt like it cracked. She didn’t think he was threatening her, just trying to push her to be someone more like him. I am never going to be a truly good gnoll. She felt like someone else for a moment, looking with disgust at herself. “No, I am just tired. Can I go back to my shop? I have a lot of work to do.”

Karrok squeezed her close to him, and she tightened her grip on the leash ends as the looming black gnoll caused both jayune to shiver and the little girl to cry in soundless terror. “You can loosen up. Our people will live stronger than ever because of you and me.”

We are not staying here, out of herself Lukka thought. “I’m just tired,” she insisted again, pushing his arm off herself. “I’ll see you in the morning, Karrok.”

He pouted but didn’t stop her as she moved back out of the building with the leash in her hands. We cannot stay here.

Lukka couldn’t look at the jayune as she walked them out of that building. She felt light and unbalanced on her feet; she could hear a roaring and whooshing in her ears of her own heart racing blood through her body. She felt like a puppet on strings as she returned to the building that was supposed to be her shop, and she picked up her most important bag. What next? She noted that the rabbit-like creatures with delicate silvery wings and small branched horns weren’t wearing anything. It was freezing outside. She went to the pile in the room and pulled out coats, boots, anything she could find.

That internal crack kept spreading. I will never be a good gnoll. She brought the clothes to the jayune. One was definitely a child; she was hardly three feet high. “Get dressed, put on shoes.” She started to undo what little unpacking she had done before being taken down the hill. I will never, ever be a good gnoll.

The jayune trembled, but the older one complied, dressing herself and then wrapping the little one in a coat.

That roaring and buzzing sensation in her head continued. It must be high blood pressure because of my emotions; I should calm myself, she thought vaguely. She distracted herself with trying to throw together the semblance of some escape plan. She picked up the blanket she had been using in the wagon; warmth was going to be important. I will never be a good gnoll.

Ereza thought that her heart was going to burst as she held onto Tomyra’s little hand. Part of her was a little surprised that she was feeling anything at all, as the gray gnoll picked them out. Most of the people she had ever known were already gone. So, when this new gnoll came and little Tomy tried to hang onto her, she tried desperately to separate herself, but it was too late.

They were now both collared with humiliating leashes, walking behind this gray-coated killer. Their faces were all awful, with those big, squarish jaws and the uneven spots. This one had a brown eye and a blue eye. She didn’t have notches out of her ear or scars, and her clothes were better kept, but she was still huge and dangerous. Their end was inevitable; recognition of it made her shake, and it set Tomy crying. She picked her up and carried her, trying to shush her as the gnoll glanced back at them with a cold brown eye. 

What can I even do? These gnolls are so big, and with the weather this cold, could Tomyra make it far from here if I attack this woman? She tried to imagine herself grabbing onto the faded green and blue hair, pulling the woman to a stop… and then what? Biting her? Trying to bunny kick her with toes freezing in the snow even as they walked? If she was really lucky, she might be able to knock her antlers into the beast. It’s hopeless, but I don’t want to die.

The gnoll led them to a house that had once belonged to the Timberi family, and she opened the door, looking around. “Get dressed, put on shoes.” She actually dropped both the leashes she was holding, and just as Ereza tensed to try to run, she took up a blanket and tied it around Ereza’s neck like a cloak.

“I was using this as a lap blanket on the ride over here. Can you also carry this?” The gnoll picked up a pack on the floor, and without much asking, would start to slide Ereza’s free arm through it. 

Ereza felt like her mouth was really dry, and she just nodded. It was not as though she would have dared to tell this person no.

The gnoll explained, “I can’t stay here; you can’t stay here. We’re going to go to Feridan and see what we can do. Can you carry the little one? Keep her quiet until we’re away from town?”

Ereza held Tomyra closer to herself. She stared intensely at the gnoll, but she wasn’t even looking at either of them anymore, moving through the house and shoving things into a different bag she had picked up. She spoke again, “We’re just going to walk out and hope no one stops us.”

She shouldered both packs and then picked up their leashes. Ereza kept her head down and followed where she led, holding Tomyra tight and shusshing her softly to soothe her.

People didn’t pay attention to any of them. Barely clothed, she followed this gnoll into the cold darkness beyond town.

Is it wrong of me to find it almost humorous? They worked so hard to make me come here, and not a single one of them has tried to stop me from walking away.

Lukka felt that she could never go back to whatever she was before today. Maybe she had been a little broken all along, and this had just made it too obvious for her to ignore anymore. Perhaps it was the hushed fear and tears in that oppressive theater turned prison, so strong it was in all her senses.

Either way, she just started walking, and she didn’t even feel a temptation to glance back. She felt lighter inside, the further away each step carried them.

The two jayune were completely silent, slogging through the snow up the hill and out of the town with her. She’d try to explain when her head cleared. Poor things. She hoped they could bear with her until they got far enough away. I’m more cracked than the Grin itself.